It’s been awhile since I’ve written you a letter, but I think of you every day.
A lot has happened in my life since you left and the piece of my heart that you took with you on your journey is still felt. I didn’t think it would be this hard… not to hear your voice, tell you about my life and hear your stories (even for the 10th time), but it is.
Your pride, your unconditional love, support and general inquisitive nature…it is a part of what’s missing in my life, my routine and my being. I am not the same person without you, I have lost the one person who made it all better just by listening and being my father.
Life is funny in a strange way…as a child, I never saw an end to anything, only seasons,the last day of school and maybe an ice cream. Those are moments that are enjoyed but their end does not leave a lasting mark.
As I reminisce about times past and the holiday season, I am reminded of how time changes things.. circumstances, people, events and myself. All of this leaves me searching for something and I haven’t put my finger on what it is yet. So this letter .. I’m an optimist but sometimes even an optimist falls. I resisted writing this, for fear that my readers would doubt my optimism, but I’m only human.
I’ve been watching videos I’ve taken of you and it’s almost like you’re here. I wish you were. I have a heavy heart writing this because I have changed since you left. I know that I was lucky to have you in my life and I have wonderful memories of all of the times we’ve spent together. Somehow I feel selfish… selfish for wanting everyone to understand my loss, but I still keep these feelings tucked inside.
I’m in a foreign land, with a man that I love however, my heart is missing family and familiar places to ease my sadness. So I listen to songs that remind me of moments, people and places and sigh.
I’m trying Dad, but there are few that understand my dreams, wishes and wants.
I hope you are safe and not worrying about me. I will bounce back but you dear father have left an large empty space.