Whether your Father is present or dearly departed, I feel that sometimes, Dad’s Day get’s the short end of the stick.
Okay, so how many father’s day cards have you seen with either a tie, fishing rod, some type of sport or racing car on it?
Countless right? The public are therefore stating that all Dad’s fish, race cars and play sports…. Um nope.. they’ve got it all wrong. I realize that each family will have a different experience and that times have changed due to technology, modern conveniences etc however; there can be many special talents within Dad’s (young and old) and I’m here to tell you about what I feel is important to remember, based on my personal experience’s with my Dear father.
What my father gave to me was precious and I remember each gift as if it was yesterday. It is the gift of time.
Dad had 4 children before me, so he was well versed by the time I arrived but older and a different kind of wiser. When I was growing up, we didn’t have much but there was always “time”, creativity and self-made adventures. As I get older and wiser myself, I have realised that time is definitely more precious than things. Remember one thing, you can always replace a possession but you cannot replace a time or a moment.
So, without further ado and moving on to the celebration of Father’s Day, I present my 10 ideas (a mixture of ideas for kid’s and adults):
Go for a nice walk and spend some time just talking, catching up on life and listening to his stories
Prepare a nice dinner of his favorite item’s (even if it’s not what you would eat)
Make your own card by hand if you’re a kid or if you’re an adult, choose some photos sharing special moments together and showcase on a card
Take the time and experience something new together- whether it’s an outdoor activity or a new movie
If you’re like me and your Dad always insisted on paying for your dinner when you dined out, treat him this time
Make something together, it could be anything from a “mud pie” if you’re a kid or something less messy as an adult that he would enjoy making
Return the kindness and teach him something-perhaps how to do something new on the computer, if he’s technophobic (exercise patience)
Switch off the TV and play a board game
Adult and children alike-if he has his own car separate to mom, surprise him and wash it
And last but not least, thank him for being there and loving you unconditionally
I would like to add that the same love and kindness applies to Father figure’s and Step-father’s and whomever you have considered to be a Dad in your life.
As a kid, Mama often met me on the back stoop as I came in from playing outside. With a broom in her hand she’d have me slowly turn in a circle while she brushed dirt from my blue jeans. She wasn’t against sweeping my bare legs either if I happened to be wearing shorts.
“Don’t bring that mess in this house.” She’d say. “Did you plan to get dirty?”
Well no. I hadn’t planned to. I was a kid. There was dirt. We met and fell in love. The end.
I remembered that this morning as I thought about where to plant some things in the yard. I still love dirt. Not potting soil in shiny garden-center bags. I don’t care for the sterile smell of plastic and perlite. I love real dirt. Earth.
When I was a child, I was confident because at that time, I had no fear of the “unknown.”
In most cases, when we are young we just go with it and enjoy play, light conversation and meeting new people (making new friends) etc. There are no rules on how to be… we just are who we are at that moment in our young lives and we are not being judged by anyone. Perhaps the biggest decisions we make as children are; which toy to play with or which one of our friends are free to play jump rope with. (well.. in my day anyway)
Let’s talk about fear.. I have a very early example of this. 1973 aged 7- I was a Brownie and due to take part in a Christmas concert with my troop.. there must have been over 100 people in the audience (mainly proud parents.) We were performing “The 12 days of Christmas” and my part was.. “and a partridge in a pear tree.”
One line, easy to remember however; the act of delivering this was frightening. I was in the spotlight, which for most people is where they get stuck. At that early stage in my life, I didn’t know about believing in myself or my abilities.. who would? So I forced myself to sing to cue and almost missed my line once, before my troop leader gently tapped my shoulder to encourage me. The performance ended and I was relieved after many happy and proud parents applauded all of us kids. phewww.. it was over.
Why was I so afraid? Why are people generally nervous and scared to be in the spotlight? Actor’s who we perceive to be extremely confident also claim to be nervous every time they perform. Let me skip ahead to my working years and share with you how I overcame shyness.
So, “I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar” yes… really and this was the beginning of my confidence building because A) I was in the “spotlight” and B) I was “performing” in front of strangers.
My good performances resulted in rewards (tips) and when I was off kilter, not so much. 15 years in the hospitality industry overcoming public appearances face-to-face with happy people, grumpy people, celebrities and new event challenges, encouraged my ability to feel more confident and so, I started a new challenge.
I began working for a globally recognised company and brand, where my people skills were valued even more. I rose from service advisor to sales advisor/ team leader and then technical advisor in less than 2 years. I was the go-to person for both customers and new recruit training and loved interacting with and helping people. As my training mentor has always said, “I could sell ice to an Eskimo” and had positive persuasion skills. Positivity is a “state of mind” and so is confidence. So I soaked up all that I could in the 5 years that I was employed there before embarking on the adventure known as the next stage of my life. Hang in there, I’ll get to the point but if you’ve read my other blogs, you’ll know that I enjoy telling stories and taking you on a mental journey.
All aboard…. next stop North West, England. A different culture and a new beginning. How did I prove myself to yet more strangers? My husband is one of the most confident people I know. Not arrogant by any means, but genuine and very approachable. He makes friends wherever he goes and I was never like that. He uses the “icebreaker” technique, which is such a simple concept, but one that you need to follow up and not be afraid to continue being yourself. I used to be the type of person that went to a party and stuck like glue to one or two people I knew in order to be part of it all, I didn’t have self-belief at that time or confidence in being myself to just mingle with anyone. I was simply…ME. Me from the very beginning of this story. Happy to be a part of something but froze under pressure. I must admit, with age comes a new kind of confidence and so I conjured up all of my powers and promised myself I would break down my wall.
After learning that a fair amount of companies in the UK prefer presentations as a means to rate one’s confidence in an interview, I swallowed my fear and came up with a plan.
During my first presentation, I decided to wear a mask. You think I’m kidding don’t you? Well.. I wore my glasses, which provided a mask-like protection that physcologically helped my confidence, as I felt that I was not fully exposed. I performed pretty well and if it wasn’t for the lack of a driver’s licence, I would have gotten the job. Personally, I don’t believe in presentations as part of an interview because A) It’s not a natural environment and B) I believe in getting to know the person.
I’m a people person (as you’ve probably gathered) and generally have good feelings or intuitions. So, I played the game several times during my career, with no training just being me and spreading my passion about subjects, people and experiences. I’ve created events, chaired meetings, started focus groups in order to share ideas and working practices and find that focusing on liked-minded people, relationships and common goals is by far the best way to nurture your mind and confidence. My state of mind has grown and so will yours if you’re true to yourself.
Some of the examples I’ve used might help you. I’ll break them down briefly in 5 steps:
Believe in yourself and take baby steps to master your fear
Use a conversation “Icebreaker” and stick with the conversation
Be yourself-It is much easier
Wear or use something that comforts you or makes you feel more confident
Be honest and talk about or do things that you know how to do (pretending is nerveracking)
Cities, love them or hate them they are all so different, as I learned during a spring trip to ” Le Gai Paree”.
My expectations were limited and included of course the famous tower and museums but to be perfectly honest, Paris was never at the top of my list for places to visit. In my mind I essentially envisioned the Eiffel tower as a steel structure plunked in the centre of the city and swarming with tourists, surrounded by the typical street cafe’s where you can watch the world go by. I was so wrong and my new love for this wonderful European city will be captured in a flattering and emotional review.
My visit was sparked by visiting my brother who was vacationing from the states. This was a long-awaited one-to-one period of quality time with big bro, which hadn’t occurred between us since I was about 8! He booked a quaint little apartment near the Bastille area, which suited us and housed many local trinkets inside from the owner who lovingly decorated it, plus a balcony to enjoy a glass of wine and of course local cheese! Nothing too fancy, just comfort and basic necessities.
Our first day out was visiting Notre Dame and that first day became so much more, that my feet are still recovering. (more on the power of Notre Dame in a moment) Who could resist 80 degree weather and the new spring blossoms in their amazing Tuileries?! I imagined myself basking in the sun during lunch hour, just like the locals…I was jealous of this luxury and my hope is that they don’t take it for granted. There are gardens everywhere and provide a much-needed rest when exploring.
From the moment we walked out of our apartment door, it was love at first site for me and I was on a mission to explore and inhale every nook and cranny of this friendly and beautiful city. (as suggested by a friend and writer who adores France) We couldn’t resist a coffee on the way to our next destination from a cafe called “Esmerelda” could we?
Walking along the Seine river in the sunshine and watching locals enjoy time at a leisurely pace was unusual but fabulous! Cities are supposed to be fast paced, but the beauty and feeling of love in spring was magnetic. Street artists galore with memorabilia,delicately painted landscapes and a friendly “bonjour.” Next stop, the famous “Louvre” Tuileries and people watching followed by Pont De Le Arts and Pont De Le Concorde (an adult playground of sorts along the river Seine pathway) Ping Pong anyone? Day one was a full one and it didn’t stop here! Eiffel tower……calling all tourists….. it’s the big one now! Steel towered structure with great fame… not at the top of my list but WOW.. I never expected to see what I saw..(am I teetering?) sorry couldn’t resist.
The Tower is surrounded by a lovely landscaped park with perfectly placed wooden benches that ask to be sat on.. small gardens appear in a corner near the tower, which by the way has a small pond underneath it! Locals take advantage of this outdoor space by jogging, cycling or just reading a book under a leafy tree.
The lights, the language, inspiring art, the happy gatherings with picnics and wine along the Seine, lovers celebrating their marriage on the bridges… all of this made my heart and soul swell with joy.
My brother used his french daily and locals were appreciative, patient and very friendly. Before emigrating to the UK, I never imagined that I would visit so many wonderful places and my father would be very happy knowing that I was enjoying exploring the world.
In fact, he was there with me during my second visit to Notre Dame. I’m not a religious person, but the beauty and peace as I stood inside admiring the sun gazing through arches of stained glass was awe-inspiring. As I started to follow my brother whilst he was capturing this beauty on film, I walked by a display of candles that you would typically light and say a prayer or remember a loved one. I kept walking, but something pulled me back… I thought of my father and stood there for a moment and decided to choose a candle just for him. I lit the candle and thought to myself, “Dad, I will take you with me on my travels from here on in and this one is for you and I love and miss you.” I placed his candle in the centre, because anyone that knew my Dad knew that he loved being the centre of attention, especially in the later years.
So there you have it, Paris has the power to bring out love in many forms…beauty, art, lovers and unconditional love found with family and memories.